Sunday, October 17, 2004

dying still

how is it that i can be not dead, but not alive? sometimes i wake up in time for the sunset. sometimes, if i stay up late, i get to see the sunrise. both are so beautiful, it hurts. sometimes, when i have dreams that won't finish themselves right, i go back to sleep to fix them. it is so frustrating when they won't right themselves. but even worse is when i wake and i can't fix them. the nightmares just get worse when i wake up. one would think that eventually they would have to end. i guess we all die someday.

Monday, October 04, 2004

psycho

i think my friends would say i've gone "off the deep end." who can i trust? nobody. where do i go? i stay. stay where you are, unless god tells you otherwise. live. die. stand. fall. break. i want to be the one that is more amazing than you. i don't want to fade, don't want to fall. you are the only thing that makes me feel so much this way. where can i make it better. i can't fix it. you must fix it; you won't. how do i live, how do i love, when you have taken all of it from me? when will you make it ok; it won't be ok. who says it's ok, or that it will be? they laugh and smile and don't know that they aren't happy. they are so special that they don't have to live, don't have to cry.